Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
