Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
