You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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