I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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