dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
