Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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