I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Another day, another engagement, another cat
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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