READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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