mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Everything about him screamed your future.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
