I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
