I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize