I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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