sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
