Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
