omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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