I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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