so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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