Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
