I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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