For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize