I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
