I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
