the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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