Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize