yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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