i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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