Slut skills are useful in every country.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
