I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize