she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
