Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
