So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there was a trapeze. enough said
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
