First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also, beer. Big fan.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
