Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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