hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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