Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
