I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
