Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
