She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
