walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
