sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
