I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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