Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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