Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
