I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
