**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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