Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
