We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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