theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
