You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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