So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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