I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Randomize
