first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
