im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I could fuck to npr.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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