either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
