Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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