She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I deserve this hangover.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
