the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
