please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
