Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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