you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
