If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize