I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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