Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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