Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
