his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
